08

It was the weirdest week ever. I enjoyed my job. First time in a long time. I had to go to the warehouse to pick over 18 pallets of products and I was shocked to feel the love for our products. All those colors, those shapes, those textures… I was radiating all day, in the midst of cold, dust, pallets, whatnot. I also had a fight with my superior and gave no shit to what might happen afterwards. It felt liberating. I stood up for myself and it actually worked.

So right now there are 4 jobs I have applied for. Should they get back to me, fine. But if not – applying is put on hold for now. This week I felt what had been missing for such a long time. I got to see the whole purpose for why I had got an employee of my current company. This little thing was just enough for me to shake my whiney self and see clearly that quitting for me is not for now.

I need to find a way to release my suppressed energy without making any harm in my life…. Running will be good for one, but I also need to set a goal. Something I need to achieve. I should get my acts together and start rock climbing. To prepare my body for bouldering. An old dream. Might be the right time to start making it come true.

07

I have more and more thoughts about running. I am very strange about running, fyi – I keep dreaming about it like… continuously, but when it comes to actually doing it, I am chicken. Even now when, as part of the rehab, I need to take Vizsla for a run, it is a pain to dress up, lace shoes and get out until the first run-step – but once I have made that, I am a happy free bird. Why is that? If I know how good that is from step no. 1, why is my whole self rejecting as long as it can? I don’t get it.

Anyway, Tumblr is a great motivator for running. Whenever I am at this stage – and believe me, this is not the first time -, I take a look at all those runner profiles with pics and I immediately want to break out. I can immediately remember what good running usually does to me. I have a much clearer thinking, I am much more determined at things, I am much more… decisive. I am much happier. Is it an accident I crave running these days, just about changing my career…?

Of course not. Running is the tool to make myself iron-willed. And my body and mind so knows it!

15-reasons-to-run

05

Rehab day #3.

Quite a lot of progress. We are moving a lot together in the mornings and in the evenings. No activity in between. I am trying to simulate days when she needs to be alone. I am also quitting home often, for short and long periods. Just sitting on the stairs outside, gardening in front of the house, or driving to the mall for shopping. Still in the neighborhood for giving a quick reaction if needed.

But not needed, fortunately. No barking. No peeing. No destruction of doors. Whenever I arrive home, a calm, resting dog is waiting for me, lying on the sofa, belly exposed, tail wagging. Just perfect. If it remained like that as of next week, that would be wonderful.

Key is exercising for at least an hour. In the mornings we run, something I always loved – and the very purpose of adopting this very type of dog and not something else. But something we never really pursued because of the continuous behavior problems. This week I gave it a chance and I have the feeling it was a great decision. On a short leash for now, then the leash will be longer and longer once she has learned never to leave me. Goal is canicross, a totally different type of run where the dog must be the leader and she also must pull – a no-frickin’-way set-up at this point in time. But it is always good to have a goal with a rough path to achieve, is it.

In the evenings she is bringing her backpack with light weights. Strictly on a short leash, properly walking. No sniffing, no looking around, no nothing. Peeing and pooping when I allow, where I allow. Another type of exercise, another type of load for the body and the mind. In the evenings she also has cue exercises: fetching, sitting here or there, whatnot.

These 3 together seem to be the key. This dog is extremely sensitive for losing rules, and I simply must keep that in mind. Any miss of applying those and she falls apart. It cannot happen again.

We have 2 more days to practise – and I very much hope all this anxety issue will be past tense for good, for both of us.