06

I have just applied for another admin position at a company I’d pretty much like to work for. Another food supp company which actually sponsors my fitness coach (yeah, since Aug I am supposed to go for practice 5 times a week which went fine in Aug and has practically stopped in mid-Sep due to workload rocketing to space). She promised she would promote me for at least one interview which sounds great considering my CV is a manager’s CV that would leave any employers uninterested in case of hiring for an admin position. No need to say the job itself would not be a challenge for me but that is exactly what I want. A safe, stable job without any challenge sparing all my energy for Kiddo and Vizsla – and my exercises, running or weightlifting. A job that is in the neighborhood and is not more than 8 hours of work daily, and which makes me possible to get home before 5 p.m. every day. Thus this job even paying me less than my current one. Money is nothing if you have no time or energy to spend it. If you ask me.

So now I am kind of excited. I have my applications in three places now. I can’t even remember how fast or slow it goes to be contacted. I am pretty sure I am facing changes, changes I want. Good changes. It is just the matter of time. And I have the gut feeling it won’t even take that much time…

05

Rehab day #3.

Quite a lot of progress. We are moving a lot together in the mornings and in the evenings. No activity in between. I am trying to simulate days when she needs to be alone. I am also quitting home often, for short and long periods. Just sitting on the stairs outside, gardening in front of the house, or driving to the mall for shopping. Still in the neighborhood for giving a quick reaction if needed.

But not needed, fortunately. No barking. No peeing. No destruction of doors. Whenever I arrive home, a calm, resting dog is waiting for me, lying on the sofa, belly exposed, tail wagging. Just perfect. If it remained like that as of next week, that would be wonderful.

Key is exercising for at least an hour. In the mornings we run, something I always loved – and the very purpose of adopting this very type of dog and not something else. But something we never really pursued because of the continuous behavior problems. This week I gave it a chance and I have the feeling it was a great decision. On a short leash for now, then the leash will be longer and longer once she has learned never to leave me. Goal is canicross, a totally different type of run where the dog must be the leader and she also must pull – a no-frickin’-way set-up at this point in time. But it is always good to have a goal with a rough path to achieve, is it.

In the evenings she is bringing her backpack with light weights. Strictly on a short leash, properly walking. No sniffing, no looking around, no nothing. Peeing and pooping when I allow, where I allow. Another type of exercise, another type of load for the body and the mind. In the evenings she also has cue exercises: fetching, sitting here or there, whatnot.

These 3 together seem to be the key. This dog is extremely sensitive for losing rules, and I simply must keep that in mind. Any miss of applying those and she falls apart. It cannot happen again.

We have 2 more days to practise – and I very much hope all this anxety issue will be past tense for good, for both of us.

03

Rehab day #1.

Due to focus shifted from Vizsla to Kiddo (diving practice with no babysitter) and myself (new habit of working out in a gym every evening), she completely fell apart. I spent less time with her out of sheer exhaust, and paid less attention to rules, and she was very sensitive to that. In the past 2 weeks she was barking all day, besides other anxiety signs, just like when I adopted her 20 months ago.

Last week I was carrying her to a rehab center every other day, on the days between to a daycare. That obviously cannot be a routine for the future.

So now this is the week when I have to put her back in place. I am off the whole week. Thank God she is adapting very fast. We had a long, controlled walk in the morning, I threw her to among strange dogs being alert to any sign of attack intention on her side, and then we practised me being away from home and her not barking. I am quite satisfied with the result – and it is only Monday. I am very hopeful she won’t need to be anxious anymore – and it is all on me. I am away for 10 hours every single workday in the current setup (which I very much want to make a change about) and she needs to stay calm until I get home. Like she did before.

We can do it. She can do it.

I must do it.

01

Back on the horse. Blogging again.

In the need again. I need a place where I can arrange my thoughts into a plan. Into reality.

Because I am just in the phase of taking my next step. I want a full change in my life. Currently I am a successful Logistics Manager at a fancy multinational company – a whore, if you like. Doing what needs to be done for the nice money. I so hate every single minute of it.

Because at the same time I am a single mother with a son of 10, and a dog owner/rehabilitator to my adopted, seriously unstable vizsla, who both need all my available time. Which is, being a whore to this company, not much… mostly equalling to zero, to be honest.

I want another life. A life with a lot less responsibility, for a lot less money, obviously. I started applying on Wednesday. It is exciting. It is a big decision and it is made, more or less, but of course I have my worries, my fears, my doubts. I am all alone in this decision, if I asked Kiddo, he’d vote for the big money and time, which is not an option. He does not know.

It is me to know everything, to always make the right decision, and it is freakin’ exhausting.

So here I am, back on the horse. Blogging again.