12

Last Monday, a week ago, the announcement was made. My company is negative as far as the future is concerned. I am needed to stay until the end, June 30. In that case I’ll be given a package. If I leave earlier, I’ll only be given my due salary and maybe 2.5 months more. Something like that.

Well, I may not wait for that package. Today I got a call from the police dept I had applied at. They want to see me at 10 a.m. tomorrow. Am I happy? Helly yeah! Am I surprised? You bet, I thought after all that time gone since my application they would not be interested.

Apparently they are. And it is so exciting. Peak of the day. Low of the day is the accident I had early this morning, with Kiddo on board. Some nuthead bumped into my back while I was waiting at the red light. My back hurts. Today I still need to get it x-rayed to see if the hit caused any harm….

My life is a big whirl. I am so sad for everyone getting in it…

11

Happy New Year!

For me it is fine…ish… so far. Knowing is relieving. Seeing the others, though, doing their things like always, not knowing, is breaking my heart. My heart, which tells me to share the info. Against my mind, that tells me not to dare to. And mind is stronger…

On Friday we received an invitation email for a management meeting on 2017 schedule and perspectives. Bringing people to our office that never come. This email is raising questions. And I am the only one to know the answer. But I need to hide it. It is 9 more days. I must be strong.

Baileys and red wine makes me strong. At least his weekend. And I have discovered Homeland. God, I like it much! It is just the right kind of detour from the everyday shit around me. And after such a detour it is so easy to think clear and see my direction.

And my direction is either the armed forces (police) or agriculture. I am interested in both very-very much. Now, watching Homeland, I feel it must be the police. There is a specific job I have applied for, and to do which I had been encouraged by the admin of the department at the station. But when I am looking at Vizsla, I feel it should be agriculture, game management. For which to start there is also a position being created at a huge company of a guy’s here with the highest impact on local agriculture. A friend happens to be in the top management there needing an assistant badly.

All I want to do now is to remain silent at work, lay low; to have huge walks with Vizsla and enjoy our bond; and to watch Homeland  and forget about everything else. With Vizsla in my lap. Kiddo is off to Granny’s tonight, for the whole of next week. With Doc’s approval.

I need this week for… me.

01

Back on the horse. Blogging again.

In the need again. I need a place where I can arrange my thoughts into a plan. Into reality.

Because I am just in the phase of taking my next step. I want a full change in my life. Currently I am a successful Logistics Manager at a fancy multinational company – a whore, if you like. Doing what needs to be done for the nice money. I so hate every single minute of it.

Because at the same time I am a single mother with a son of 10, and a dog owner/rehabilitator to my adopted, seriously unstable vizsla, who both need all my available time. Which is, being a whore to this company, not much… mostly equalling to zero, to be honest.

I want another life. A life with a lot less responsibility, for a lot less money, obviously. I started applying on Wednesday. It is exciting. It is a big decision and it is made, more or less, but of course I have my worries, my fears, my doubts. I am all alone in this decision, if I asked Kiddo, he’d vote for the big money and time, which is not an option. He does not know.

It is me to know everything, to always make the right decision, and it is freakin’ exhausting.

So here I am, back on the horse. Blogging again.